Tomorrow is getting closer

Yep, tomorrow is grief group at Childrens. I am so sick right now in thinking about going to that place I am scared. I don’t know if I can do it. But, I will. I think of driving in and seeing his window and knowing that he is not up there. What if I run into one of his nurses? The time we leave is the time that they are leaving. I don’t know if I am up to that yet. I do want to see the fish tank. That calmed us and gave us amusement during his heat cath. Plus, watching all the children walk up to it was really neat to watch. I really need to be able to let myself walk in there and get it over with. What if God Forbid something happens to my other children. And they have to go there or if Ashley has to go back for x-rays there because of her hip displaysia? So, there are other reasons I have to be able to walk in there.

I read on someone elses blog about how God is alive and working in your life no matter what. That is what I got from it and no matter how much you don’t feel him there he is. Sometimes I feel like he has abandoned me. Several times a day I feel that. I mean I just feel like screaming at him and I have alot. I know he has heard me. I know he is working but, a lot of the time it is hard to “feel” it. Kinda like you know a clock is working really hard. It looks on the outside that not much is going on, but, on the inside all of these gears are just working diligently together to keep time. To me it may not feel as though God is working and in my life at various times through out the day, but, He is and I know this in my heart, but, sometimes my head tries to think he isn’t. So, thank you so much for writing that yesterday CC. I really took it to heart.

Please pray for us, Stacy and I tomorrow evening to give us the strength that we need to do this.


2 Responses

  1. Hi Bobbie. I’ll be praying for his presence and his grace to cover you and Stacy tomorrow night. … ((((HUGS))))

    Every time I visit your blog or think about you I am so struck by a sense of God’s tenderness towards you. Even as I type this…I can just feel Him longing to reach out to you and hold you close and love on you. It really is true that he is near to the broken-hearted. I’m sure you can feel it too as you read this.

    I wish I could meet you one day. The gold that Jesus is weaving into your life through this fiery trial is going to be a precious thing to behold.

    more ((((hugs))))

  2. No words to add to what Sumi wrote. You are loved, just remember that.

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