Feeling, nothing more than feelings.

Do you remember that song? I have absolutely no idea who sings it but, it was stuck in my head. la la la.
For the past few days I have been so sick, I don’t know whether I am coming or going. My almost youngest Stacey woke up with a really high temp and she slept till about 1:00. I kept checking on her. She was still breathing, so all was good.

But, anyhoo, I am writing a book. Been working on it for a while. I was just writing about JT’s NEC (Necrotizing Entercolitis), surgery. Man, Oh man does that bring back such deep emotions. I felt terrified writing about it even though I know he came through it like a champ. Just like he did everything he did. But, my stomach is all crampy and just thinking about it made my heart skip a beat or two. And I even had some anger because of the doctor tell me my choices. We could do something about it or we could just let nature take it’s course. Like I wouldn’t give him every chance available. Boy oh Boy let me tell you I was really angry at that doc. But, he had to let me know my choices. I do believe I asked him if he was out of his mind. I was really scared at moving him to children’s because we started out in Miami Valley. I know someone at church that works at children’s and at the time she told me that he was better off at Miami Valley because they could do better things with babies as small as he was. But, I found out they are absolutely fantabulous with babies any size. But, you know people have their opinions and well, sometimes they can scare the beegees out of some one. But, anyway, I wouldn’t trade my time at Dayton Children’s for anything. It was a blessing that we were moved there.

Wednesday was our last grief group. Mary Ann and Charlotte both told me that everyone said hi from up there and that they had heard many stories of JT and all his antics. I really felt sad that it was over. We laughed so hard that last session. Can you imagine laughing at grief group???? Yeah, I felt the same why. How in the same hill do you laugh at grief group?? Well, we shared some really funny stories or, should I say that one of the participants did and had me laughing so hard I was crying. It felt really good to laugh like that. I haven’t done it in a while.

I still won’t go up to the 4th floor. My counselor told me that when I could go up there that would mean that I was healing. I don’t believe her. I don’t cry in front of people very well. But, she also said not to expect to go up there with out crying. blah, blah, blah, at this point. I heard her but, I am filing it away at the moment.

Ok, I am a skipper of subjects sometimes I write like I talk. I go here and there and back to here. Sorry.

The cookie dough sale at school kicked off today. Oohhh la la. I really dont’ feel like dealing with it, but I am. I got stuff done. Oh yeah, it is done for today. I imagine Monday is going to be bad because everyone and their great grandma is going to be sending in permission slips. I really don’t like that part. Running here running there. Making sure I have the list upto date. Not much fun. But, as with anything, I’ll get through it. lol.

Well, there is my lengthy somewhat jumbled all over the place update on what I have been doing.


2 Responses

  1. Thanks for the update. I love the way you write. 🙂
    I said a prayer for you at church tonight, just had you on my heart.

  2. very interesting.
    i’m adding in RSS Reader

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