What I learned about Harley in FAST…

I found out first and foremost, I really like her.  She has a strange but, weird sense of humor, and well, so do I.  Wonder where she got it from huh?

I must say that going into this.  I really didn’t like her.  Maybe that isn’t it.  We really didn’t get along and I didn’t understand her is probably more it.  But, I love her to pieces always have always will.  She is very moody and well, she still is but, we can talk now.  I didn’t really have that with her before.  Not that I didn’t try, but, she wasn’t willing to talk to me.  Not about anything. I’d ask how was your day?  I would get harumph from her.  Now, most days she will tell me how her day has been or she will come to me to talk to me about stuff.  It’s a great feeling.

After Johnathan passed away, I think I was to far into my grief to realize that she was grieving just as badly as I was.  When Harley loves someone she puts her whole heart into them.  And that is what she did with Johnathan.  But for a long time I didn’t care about her and how she felt because well, I was too into myself.  I couldn’t look around and see that other people were affected by this.  He was my son and well, my world revolved around that.  Not that he was also a brother and a grandson, and a nephew. 

Harley loves to shock people too.  Oh boy does she.  Big Stacy can attest to this too.  We were sitting at FAST eating dinner and one of the staff people sat down.  And I don’t even know how this conversation started.  I really don’t remember.  But, she was telling the lady that Johnathan was sitting on the window sill he is always with her.  Oh look now he is on the chair.  Well, I was in shock the lady was like oh you have a pretend brother?  Nope he isn’t pretend he is sitting right here. Ok, I couldn’t handle it I left.   Went to the bathroom and hyperventilated.  I have no idea what was said after that, but, oh boy did she get me.  This was the second week at FAST that she did this.   Ok, well, here is another one. 

We were sitting up in the bedroom talking me and little Stacey and Harley.  We were talking about Johnathan.  She said well, when the incident happened.   I said what ?? What incident?? You know that incident.  I was like, when he di… she didn’t let me get the word out.  I tried several times.  But, she said no, Johnathan is alive he isn’t dead.  So, here I am thinking that I am going to get a Bible lesson right?  Bet you all are also.. NOPE…

She said Johnathan is alive and in my room, I talk to him all the time.  When you think I am talking to myself, nope, I am not, I am talking to Johnathan, so, try not to interupt me, he might have something important to say.

I am sorry, I had to laugh.  It was funny.  And for some reason, I think she is serious.  I really don’t think she is joking.

So, goes to show you, children grieve just as hard and as long as the parents do.   Harley was really close to him and I see that now.  Didn’t want to see that then but, I see it now.

Harley is a very loving, caring person.   She is wacky and funny and loves music.  Any music.  We can jam to some Temptations or Jackson 5 together. She will listen to worship music with me.  When I have my days I want to listen to Metallica, well, she is right there with me. 

And I think alot of the reason’s we haven’t been getting along is that she is just like me.  We couldn’t be more alike it is scary.  So, maybe I just need to learn to love myself more? lol.

But, these last 8 weeks have been awesome.  I have really enjoyed them and looked forward to them.  And I am sad that they are over but, I am going to keep moving forward in our relationship and just learn more and more about her.  

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3 Responses

  1. I am so glad that you see the improvement in your relationship with Harley, because I definitely see it. She smiles more now and so do you. Continue talking and working on your relationship, you both need each other. I love you both and love seeing you guys happier. Dont forget to hug her every day and tell her you love her.

    You and that hugging thing. lol

  2. That is so cool that you got to spend that time getting to know your daughter better. I do think it can be very hard when the child is so like you because you tend to see all the things you don’t like about yourself and become overly critical.

  3. This was a great thing you did together. I’m so happy for both of you.

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