March of Dimes….

I am recycling here folks. The March is coming up on May 10th and just wanted to send some more awareness out. 😆

As many of you know, Ok, everyone who reads this blog knows JT my son was born premature. 15 weeks. Prematurity is a cause close to my heart now. I have joined the ranks of many other mom’s and dad’s around the world who have had to deal with this. It isn’t fair, most of the time there is no reason for it it just happens. Many babies rally and grow and get the chance to go home and live full lives. Some with disablitlies, some with none. Some babies put up a great fight and no matter what they don’t make it. That is the harsh reality of prematurity and a reality I had to live through. March of Dimes is working to find a cure for prematurity. And I am supporting it. I will be walking in May to walk for a cure. I am asking that you help also. Whether it be to walk or to donate or to do both. It promises to be a great time for all and a great cause. All money collected goes to the local chapter to help fight prematurity.

Thanks so much for everything that all of you have done for my family. Please help other families so that they don’t have to live through what I did. JT was the most awesome special thing that ever happened to me. He gave me so much joy and my love for him just grew and grew. To this day I love him so much and always will. It nearly killed me when he went home to the Lord to play in the heavens until we meet again. That is what is keeping me going through all of this knowing that I WILL see him again. But, I want to help with this because that is the worst hurt and tragedy you could go through as a parent and I don’t want to see that happen to anyone. So, please help. Thank you.

You can donate if you wish to by clicking the March for Babies with Johnathan’s pic on the left side right there.

Also, I would like to thank the people that have already donated. Thanks so much. Every little bit helps and you are integral part in finding a cure.

Mikayla and her stitches….

her poor chin...

Yep, the poor baby got stitches yesterday. I got her some new crocs and she decided she was going to fall into the front porch steps. Ok, she didn’t decide. But, well, you know what I mean. lol. At first I didn’t see anything wrong. Then the blood happened, and I had to yell for my hubby. He came and got her because well, I faint when I see blood and this was no exception. I was running into the kitchen to get me a washcloth and he took it. He kept saying cold water wet it with cold water. I thought he was thinking about me. Nope he wasn’t I was thinking need cold water or I am going to bite the floor here in a minute. He took my wash cloth now, how mean was that? J/k. I finally decided to just go lay on the floor and put my cup of water on my forehead. Meanwhile in the dining room Mikayla has calmed down, she wasn’t even really crying that much. I was the big baby in all of this. I asked him if she needed stitches. He yells yeah, I think so, I see meat. Ok, I am now deciding that I am a vegetarian, meat huh? I said don’t describe it to me as I am laying on the floor legs up on the chair with my cup of ice water on my head, doing my lamaze breathing. Big breath in through my nose “I love” Big breath out through my mouth “my baby”. He gets her a bandaid, (Mikayla loves band-aid), and starts loading her into the car. Yep, you guessed it, I didn’t go anywhere near the car, just laying on the floor breathing my air.

Needless to say 2 hours and 6 stitches later they return. She did great, she didn’t move stayed calm and got 2 suckers for being such a good girl and charming the whole ER staff.

I must say a big thank you to my hubby because if he wasn’t here she would have bleed to death and I would still be passed out on the floor.

And if that doesn’t beat all. I decided after I got over all of my hyperventilating and passing out. I decided I would go cut the grass because that is what we were doing. Cutting bushes and doing yard work. I figured I would cut it and then when they came home Mike would be happy that was one less thing he had to do, Nope, I broke the lawnmower. So, I have half a lawn of cut grass the other half looks like a jungle. Oh well, at least Mikayla is ok, and the child is too proud of her stitches. She had to even show them to the girls’ dad when we went to go pick them up this morning.

So, I guess all is well now. 😆

Everyone have a fantabulous day!!

And remember, God loves you!!!

To day you get a to do list….

Sorry Stacy but, I really need to make one
actually it is a schedule. lol

Here it goes…

Stick in a load of laundry….
15 minutes in the kitchen…
15 minutes in the living room…..
switch laundry start another load
15 minutes in the bathroom…..
Take break for 20 minutes
15 minutes back in the kitchen….
switch laundry start another load fold what is dry…
15 minutes cleaning my desk……
15 mintes on the sewing table…..
switch laundry start a new load fold what is dry….
If everything still isn’t done….get to it. 😆

I also would like to make cinnamon rolls today compliments of Pioneer Woman They are delicious and my family eats them right up. I think they deserve a treat. I might even be able to do some pictures. We’ll see…

Especially since I am going to be working them hard today. Everyone have a great day!!!!!

Mothers under attack….

I keep up with a great bunch of ladies who have lost their children. Most of the children have gone to heaven because they have been born with T-18. Some lived for hours some minutes. Some for days and months. You can get to some of them from my side bar. The mothers going through what I have losing a child give me so much comfort. Yes, I have been on this road longer and I should probably be the one comforting them but, well, grief is hard and different for everyone. I see God’s light shining through in all of them. They will be the first to hit the ground and praise God. Praise him through the grief, the pain, the hurt, and frustration. I stand amazed at their faith and love for our Saviour. It is awesome.

It seems there is always a few people out there ready and willing to attack them. It is the devil working his devilish ways this I know. But, to attack someone while they are going through something so raw and fresh is incomprehensible to me. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why these people have so little compassion that they can just be so cruel. It makes no sense to me. They need prayer. Prayer to unharden their hearts and open their eyes to see what a miracle these babies are and will always be to us mothers who have lost them. And understand that while we talk about how we feel we understand that we have other members of our family and yes, that they are grieving too. We have not forgotten about them. We just can’t speak for them. Grief is a personal journey. It changes you forever. You can not go back to who or what you were before it. That is never gonna happen. You have to find a new normal. And to do that you have to let the grief consume you. You have to feel every feeling it is throwing at you. You can’t hold back.

They told me that being in the NICU, was like a roller coater ride. Well, in some ways it is. But, grief is like that corkscrew roller coaster. You think you are doing ok, then for no reason sometimes you are flipped upside down. It could be a flash back of a memory, a smell, a taste, you see a baby wearing an outfit just like yours did at one time, or even just the announcement of a pregnant friend. Or it could be just nothing at all.

I have to drive past the funeral home that we used for Johnathan every weekday to go pick a neighbor’s son up from school. It is hard for me because well, that was the last place I seen my bubba’s face. I remember the first time. I was trying everything I could to hold it in. It didn’t work of course but, I felt better after I let it consume me and dealt with it. It thanked God profusely for being there with me and carrying me through that experience and many others like it. Driving past the cemetary and not being able to go in because it is closed and feeling like I abandoned my baby because all I could do was say a quick love ya while we were passing by. Things like that.

My husband deals with his grief so differently. He acts like he doesn’t have any. From what I am told it is a typical male thing. I don’t like it and will never understand it but, it is HIS personal journey through grief and we talk about johnathan and reminese and he asks me questions about things.

The girls they deal with it differently also. Everyone’s journey is so different none of us grieve the same. They always include Johnathan as their brother and have no problem talking about him. Harley has had the worst time of it. We are working on it and hopefully we can get her to express her emotions in a healthy way. She really scares me but, that doesn’t stop me from knowing that what she is feeling is her feelings and nothing that I can do can take those away from her.

I don’t really know why God chose me to be JT’s mom. I do know that I thank him everyday for the opportunity he gave me. I really wouldn’t trade it for anything. Johnathan was who he was God made him, God gave him to me and God decided he needed to be back with him. Who am I to argue with the Creator. Although I have but, I understand that He gave him to him only for a short while, but, that short while we gave him a lifetime X’s a million of love. I couldn’t ask for more. He was everything I ever wanted in a son.

So, what I am asking is that you pray for Eva Janette’s mom. And pray for the person being so hurtful that they will unharden their hearts and see God’s love. See that everyone grieves in their own unique way. And that while we may just be telling you our story that we are not ignoring our families. We just can’t speak for them. We speak for ourselves. This is our personal journey. And we really don’t have to explain it to other people but, we choose to and I know there are people that can be hurtful out there but, as I said I just can’t understand it.

Thanks for listening and thanks for praying. I know I have some awesome prayer warriors on here and they will understand.

So many ideas, I am depressed…

It seems like I have so many ideas about things and everyone of them is being blocked for some reason. Well, one I haven’t even looked into. I plan to do more research on it first. But, I wanted to see about starting a group called weighing and praying. I didn’t think of this on my own mind you I read about it and it seems like a wonderful idea. It gives accountablity and then some prayer. So, you are losing weight through prayer. Here let me just link it so that you know what I am talking about. Weigh and Pray Group Nope it was a no go. As was another kind of group think I wanted to start at church. No big deal I guess I will just go off on my own and do them. Just don’t know how I am going to get the word out though.

I don’t know it just seems like everything I try to do it just gets knocked down. It is slightly depressing. I think I get to excited about stuff. Maybe that is it. We had get movin night last night at school and no one showed up. Not one family except for ours. I tried, I guess. Parental participation at our school is very low. Family nights have always gone really good. I have no idea why this one bombed but, it did.

Today is the 17th and Johnathan has been gone 11 months. The next 17th he will have been gone a year. It just doesn’t seem like it. Some days it seems like days or weeks or even a few months but, not a year. I have dreaded the year mark. First I dreaded the first grass on his grave, then his grave marker, then the first snow, now, come the first year has almost passed.

It is just unbelievable to me that it is creeping up on me. That could be why I feel I am failing at everything. I don’t know.

The girls get out the 20th of May and that was the day of his funeral. It was a nice service but, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my baby was in a box. That is what it really is. Sorry folks this is how I think sometimes.
After all he fought for and then that is what happened. Some days I just need to learn harder on God and today is one of those. It is one of my lost gotta find my way days. Some days I am just to hard headed to figure it out. I don’t know this is really starting to get depressing so, I guess I’ll end here.

Have a great day!!

Happenings around here….

Well, this weekend was bad. I can’t go into detail but, it seems like when ever things might be going ok, something puts a wrench in your plans.

I would like to ask for prayer for my daughter Harley though, she really, really, needs it right now.

I have gotten nothing done around this house. I really haven’t had the time. Major catastrophies seem to keep happening and well, the house is suffering.

Last night we called a family meeting. We sat around and made rules and consequences for behavior and actions. We had rules posted along while back and we did well with it. The kids knew what was expect and what to expect if they didn’t follow the rules. They made the rules and the consequences with me and Mike tweaking them a little. Stacey had a funny one. She said Stacey is allowed to do at least 25 cartwheels or flips in the house a day. Ha ha not happening. She is allowed to still do the splits. But, nothing that involves flipping her legs over her head. I won’t go into all the rules but, there are things like no jumping or standing on the furniture, respecting everyone’s body parts. Which means no kicking, hitting, or biting. The biting was for Mikayla she is in that stage right now. No wrestling unless you are watching wrestling, and someone is there to supervise it. Everyone will have a job in the kitchen after dinner. All chores must be completed and check by an adult or you are not to leave the house.

Consequences there are only 5.

1. Verbal warning
2. Sent to your room for a 1/2 hour. Harley gets sent to the dining room table, she likes her room too much. (she came up with this not me)
3. Grounded for two days. (No tv, radio, computer, or phone)
4 Grounded for two days and must write a 500 word essay on what they did wrong and what they can do to change it.
5. If all else fails just spank us and get it over with. lol. (that was them not me. I rarely spank my children. So, they probably think it won’t happen.) Sorry it made me laugh when Stacey said that one.

Ashley, now, for some reason is not to keen on rules. She sat curled up in a ball crying the whole time we were making house rules. And they made them theirselves. This way, if they don’t follow them they can’t say, we are not fair in our consequences because they made these themselves. They only have themselves to blame.

Life worked better around her when it was more organized and they had something visual to go by.

Mikayla has her own set of rules that I am going to have to stay on her and enforce. Obviously she can’t read yet, but, she is going to have to learn to listen the first time and she needs more structure in her life. She really does. Half the time the girl doesn’t know if she is coming or going. But, I aim to change that one.

So, I need to be consistent and really be on my A game to see this through. I am making menus again to. This helps so much in knowing what is going to be for dinner and not running around at the last minute totally freaked out because there is nothing in the house to cook.

So, that is what has been a happening around her lately.

Make it a great day!!!

Quizzes. Haven’t done any in a while…

Here are a few….

You Are a Question Mark

You seek knowledge and insight in every form possible. You love learning.
And while you know a lot, you don’t act like a know it all. You’re open to learning you’re wrong.

You ask a lot of questions, collect a lot of data, and always dig deep to find out more.
You’re naturally curious and inquisitive. You jump to ask a question when the opportunity arises.

Your friends see you as interesting, insightful, and thought provoking.
(But they’re not always up for the intense inquisitions that you love!)

You excel in: Higher education

You get along best with: The Comma

You Are Black Pepper

You may be considered ordinary by some, but you're far from boring.
You elevate the mood of any discussion, and people miss you when you're not around.
You are secretly very dominant and powerful. Most can only take you in small doses.

Not sure I believe that one but, Ok. lol

Your Mind is Green

Of all the mind types, yours has the most balance.
You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.
You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest:

You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.

At Your Lowest:

You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.

In Love:

You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.

How You're Attractive:

You are very affectionate and inspire trust.

Your Eternal Question:

"Am I Respected?"

Well, there is a few to keep ya busy. :lol: