So many ideas, I am depressed…

It seems like I have so many ideas about things and everyone of them is being blocked for some reason. Well, one I haven’t even looked into. I plan to do more research on it first. But, I wanted to see about starting a group called weighing and praying. I didn’t think of this on my own mind you I read about it and it seems like a wonderful idea. It gives accountablity and then some prayer. So, you are losing weight through prayer. Here let me just link it so that you know what I am talking about. Weigh and Pray Group Nope it was a no go. As was another kind of group think I wanted to start at church. No big deal I guess I will just go off on my own and do them. Just don’t know how I am going to get the word out though.

I don’t know it just seems like everything I try to do it just gets knocked down. It is slightly depressing. I think I get to excited about stuff. Maybe that is it. We had get movin night last night at school and no one showed up. Not one family except for ours. I tried, I guess. Parental participation at our school is very low. Family nights have always gone really good. I have no idea why this one bombed but, it did.

Today is the 17th and Johnathan has been gone 11 months. The next 17th he will have been gone a year. It just doesn’t seem like it. Some days it seems like days or weeks or even a few months but, not a year. I have dreaded the year mark. First I dreaded the first grass on his grave, then his grave marker, then the first snow, now, come the first year has almost passed.

It is just unbelievable to me that it is creeping up on me. That could be why I feel I am failing at everything. I don’t know.

The girls get out the 20th of May and that was the day of his funeral. It was a nice service but, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my baby was in a box. That is what it really is. Sorry folks this is how I think sometimes.
After all he fought for and then that is what happened. Some days I just need to learn harder on God and today is one of those. It is one of my lost gotta find my way days. Some days I am just to hard headed to figure it out. I don’t know this is really starting to get depressing so, I guess I’ll end here.

Have a great day!!

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2 Responses

  1. Hugs! I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. I hope things will look up for you very soon. Hang in there and lean harder on God. He’s got big shoulders.

  2. I can not imagine how hard it is for you approching your 1st year without Jonathan. God will bring you through it.

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