Sad news….

Baby Jacob passed away this evening at 5:30. He had 139 wonderful loved filled days here on earth. He surpassed all the expectations from the doctor’s. Please pray for his family. I am including his family’s announcement:

Saturday, May 31, 2008
It is with a weird combination of a heavy heart and sense of celebration that we are sad to announce that Jacob went home to be with the Lord today around 5:30 PM. Please pray that his life continues to be celebrated and that others draw close to Christ as a result of his passing.

Posted by Fahmer at 6:46 PM 0 comments

I started my morning every day checking in on him. Thank you!!

I’ve been tagged…..

Ok, I have been tagged by Warren’s Wife I love doing these things too. But, this one you have to remember a lot of stuff so, let’s see if I can do this.

four things I was doing 10 years ago….

1. I was probably wishing for a nap. I have 3 children: Ashley 4, Harley 2, Stacey 9 months.

2. I was working at KTH and Norwest.

3. I was going to school for nursing. That I might add I faint when I see blood, so, what was I thinking???

4. I was trying to get out of a relationship with the girls’ dad. He was very abusive at this time.

Four things I was doing 5 years ago…..

1. I had just started dating my now husband. And I had met his son. I was really having a hard time with could I take care of and love someone else’s child the way I love and take care of mine. But, we all know that worked out in the end right? I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

2. I was working at Big Bear and had just started back to school. I was also working as a homecare provider for MR/DD. One of my most rewarding jobs I might add. I loved working with my dude. Well, he was 16 when I started working with him. And a big plus, I could take the girls to work with me so, that I could see them once in a while. It felt like I never seen them.

3. I also probably called my sister as today is her Birthday. (Happy Birthday Minnie, she is 31)
I bet she absolutely loved me telling you her age. lol

4. We were get to the one year anniversary mark of my mom’s death.

four things I am doing this year….

1. I really have no idea what I am doing this year. One that I know of is sewing more, since I have that fabulous sewing room now. I still have a lot to organize in it.

2. Still battling through grief. It is getting better though I have more happy days than sad. But, I dont’ want all the grief to go away. I don’t want to ever forget. That may not make sense to some but, to some it will.

3. I am planting a garden so, yeah, let’s hope something grows. lol

4. I am trying to grow more in my walk with God. Reading my bible more. doing devotions more, praying for others, etc…

four things I did yesterday….

1. Cleaned and decluttered the kitchen, and dining room.

2. Sat outside and watched Mikayla play with Precious ( our beagle). It was so funny. We had an old mop and precious kept stealing it from Mikayla and making her try to catch it.

3. Read a Narnia book just because I felt like it. I love to read and well, I needed a relaxing thing to do after all that cleaning.

4. Gave the dirt monster a shower and a soak. She was filthy. Her feet were green from running through the cut grass plus she found some dirt to play in. She was not at all happy about the shower but, she got over it when I filled the tub and let her play for a long while.

four shows I like…

1. All the CSI’s. I just like the mystery and the solving of things. I can usually guess by middle who it is.

2. American Idol. We love music. just about any kind. We aren’t prejudice except for that nasty icky rap stuff. lol

3. Bones. Same reason as for the CSI’s

4. House. I just know there is some empathy in that man somewhere and can’t wait until someone finds it.

four biggest joys of the moment…

1. My God

2. My husband. He loves me.

3. My children all of them. Ashley, Harley, Stacey, Timmy, Mikayla, Page, Asha, Brittney, etcc…

4. My best friend.

5. My “Home”

Ok, Now I am supposed to tag 4 people. But, I got to looking and I think everyone that I know has been tagged. So, I am going to do it this way. If you are reading this and haven’t been tagged and want to be do this go ahead and do it. Let me know so that I can read too. lol.

Have a great day!!!!

More quizzes…. oh yeah!! I love these things

These are courtesy or Miss Elaine….

You Should Drive a DeLorean

You don’t take yourself too seriously, and you prefer a fun, unusual car… like this Back to the Future gem!

You Are a Light Pink Rose

You represent sweetness and grace.

Your vibe: Kind and gentle

Falling in love with you: is like falling in love with a best friend

You Are Strawberries with Cream

Fresh and uncomplicated, you are always enjoyed but often overlooked.
You’re confident in who you are. You don’t need a facade to feel better about yourself.

You Are a Lemon Cake

Strong, sexy, and overpowering.
You know who you are, and you're not afraid to show the world your fabulous self.
You're confident, charming, and extremely popular.

You paid attention during 57% of high school!

51-67% You are smart enough to be ashamed of still scoring so low; remember that there are books in the world, full of information? Yes, books are our friends.

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

I totally bombed on that one. lol

You Are a Little Messy

You aren't the cleanest person in the world, but you're definitely not a slob.
You clean up when you have the time, but you're realistic about what you can get done.
Generally, you're pretty organized and tidy - though you may have a few hidden messes.
You eventually get around to making things spotless, but you do it on your own schedule!

A poem….



A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.”
When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not shouting ‘I’m clean livin
”I’m whispering ‘I was lost, Now I’m found and forgiven.

‘When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say. ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not holier than thou;
I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow!’

happenins around here

Well, I hope everyone is doing great and fantabulous. We switched rooms around here all weekend. I now have a sewing room. I love it. It is all mine. No one elses and the kids can’t mess up my stuff that I have laid out anymore. How cool is that? I am really excited. I just need to find a good chair because I usually use the computer chair so, hopefully soon I will get one until then I am going to use one of the kitchen chairs.

Here is a list of my projects that I am going to be working on.

3 dresses for Mikayla ( I just got some really cool patterns and I can’t wait to try them out)

Curtains for the kitchen.
Redo the couch cushions.
A couple of quilts. I have 3 in the process but, not that I can lay everything out and it not be disturbed then it will go faster.

Curtains for Stacey’s room. (she has already picked out the fabric just gotta sew it).
A couple of pillows for Mikayla. Granny gave her some fabric and told her to have me sew some for her. I am going to do that first because it is the easiest of them all well, besides the curtains.

What I want to make (wish list)

Some skirts for Stacey, (I haven’t found a good pattern yet that I like)
Pajama pants for me and Mike and the girls. (got the pattern but, for some reason it is puzzling me)
Bibs for the NICU
I want to design a sleeper for babies in the Nicu. Something that has openings and parents and caregivers, so that things like central lines ivs, and catheters and ostomy bags and such would be more assessible without having to undress the baby and thus making baby more comfortable. I have some preliminary designs but, I am going to have to figure some other things out on it.

So, do you sew, knit, crotchet, have another crafty hobby? Share it with us. Let us know what you are working on what your wish list is etc. I love hearing about others crafts.

Prayer requests (urgent)

I have a few prayer requests today.

Faith Ann Webb is entering this earth today. She is a baby with the diagnosis of T-18. Pray that the family is supported and loved during this time. While we don’t know how long she has pray that every second that she has on this earth is filled with nothing but, the purest love. Pray for her mother father and sisters. Please. Thank you so much.

Also, Steven Curtis Chapman’s daughter was killed yesterday. Her older brother didn’t see her and hit her with his car. She was their youngest. Please pray from them in the face of this tragedy.

As for me I am doing good. I just have been trying to stay off the computer so much and doing stuff. Meaningless stuff but, stuff none the less. Thanks for asking Tamara.

The girls graduated and I have pics but, well, wordpress is not working with me in that department. Their dad made it and had us laughing hysterically because he is just too funny. Stacy felt funny and awkward because she sat between us and she got to hear about all the cars I damaged during out relationship. He tries to tear me down but, it just ended up being funny. But, I made it through with him there. It felt weird having to share that with him because well, he hasn’t been there to do that, and even though I build him up to the kids I just can’t stand him. Hey, I am being honest here. He has never been there to share in anything with them. Not even doctor’s appointments nothing. The girls were exstatic that he was there. And they are the ones that matter not me. Jiminy the things I do for them. lol. They love their dad even if that makes me jealous, I am glad that they do. Yep, jealous is what I am and I am not afraid to admit it because it is the truth. I get jealous because he only had to have the name daddy for them to love him and it feels like I have to do all the work. And I get the attitudes and the whining and the crying and the well, I guess the joys of mother hood that I just couldn’t live with out.

I have loved them, disciplined them, shared all these experiences with them, I guess since he wants to be involved I am letting him be. I won’t and would never think of hindering that relationsship. That is not my place. Although secretly I wish I was that kind of person. I just want to keep them to myself. But, I won’t.

Well, enough whinning for one day. Hopefully the picture thing starts working and I can get those pics up.

Have a great day!!

May 17th con…..

We had a great day today!!! The dance was great the kids all did awesome. I am so proud of all of them. We went to the cemetary and released the balloons at 5:15. Mike got there with the balloons with just a few seconds to spare. It was fun. I loved it and so did everyone else. Here are a few pics to share our day.

Here they all are with their instructor, Mark.

Doing their thing....

Waiting to go on

This is hitting my poor Harley so bad. She was in tears. She just wanted to lay down with him and sleep she said. But, she is doing better since she came home. She isn’t isolating herself like I thought she would. Which is one of the things that I have to look out for with her. So, I am thankful for that.

Sorry about the picture overload. I have a lot more. 😆 but, I think you all will enjoy these ones.

Now, off to watch that movie…..

May 17th…

Dear Johnathan,

You left us for a better place a year ago today. I remember holding you and telling you I love you so much and that it was ok you could go. I wouldn’t be mad at you. I was excited for you. You would get to meet Jesus today. I told you don’t hang on don’t fight for us anymore. There is no reason to. You are tired you fought a great fight and I am proud of you.

You enriched my life far more than you will know. Because of you I met people and became friends with someone who loved you as much as I did. Who fought with you as much as I did and to this day we still love and miss you.

I miss so much about you. I sometimes wish I could just have one more moment with you. Where I could tickle your fat rolls and just stare at your face and shower you with kisses. I miss sitting with you and just laying my head on the bed and watching you sleep or the times when you would just play with my fingers. You were so amazed with fingers. After you came out of your heart catherization and I came back to see you that night. I came up to you fighting your vent and you pulled it out you wanted that no more. I can’t blame you. But, as soon as Jenny gave you her fingers you were just content as can be. She only had you that night and you played with her fingers for hours. And she enjoyed every minute of it. We just sat there all night and watched you and played with you and talked and we were just amazed as you were about your amazement with fingers.

You was a great son. You were all I ever would have wanted in a son and I got it. I was always amazed at your ability to be so calm and so content even when your body was failing you and you were going through so much. I know that was Jesus, he was walking beside you. He was holding your hand and comforting you and keeping you calm. He was tickling your fat rolls from Heaven to keep you content and happy I just know it.

You built up my faith and let me see a loving God who gently walks us through the forest who is there to lift us up when we have no strength left to do it ourselves. And believe me this last year there have been many days where I couldn’t with out his help.

When we found out that you wouldn’t make it home with us, I used to think how am I going to live with out you? I don’t think I can. God might as well take me with you because I won’t be able to live with my bubbas. My heart is still broken but, I am managing to put some of the pieces back together. I am beginning to see the blessing in my life that was all made possible because you came into my life and showed me that blessing can come in the smallest packages. It isn’t always the big things. It is the little things. Like being able to get out of bed in the morning with a smile on my face because I know in a few minutes Mikayla will be running to me telling me I awake Mommy, I love you. She has a wonderful way of making me feel so loved.

We were watching your video and she said hey that’s my Donthan. I said no, that is my Johnathan. She took my face in her hands and said NO Mommy that is Desus’s Donathan. I said you know what sweety? You my dear are right!

You my son, are in Heaven with Jesus. God gave you to me for a short while and back to Heaven you went. But, you will always be on my mind and in my heart. You are my son, you always will be but, you are Jesus’ too. I am so thankful you are being so well taken care of. I Know you are gloriously happy. Worshipping the Lord, dancing on clouds playing amongst the angels and eating chocolate pudding. Free of all the wires and procedures that you were encumbered with in this world. Oh how awesome it must be to be whole and healed like never before. I am thankful and excited for you.

So, until we meet again, my sweetness, I will be down here living, living a life that you have taught me that I need to live. No more hiding or running away from life. I will live it to the fullest because that is what you did while you were here. And I can’t see doing it any different than you did.

I love you!!!!!

Johnathan Thomas Michael Poling !!!!!!!!

Ode to the Kitchen Aid Mixer….

I really want a kitchen aid mixer like really bad right? Well, I do. Can you imagine the possiblilities I could do with that baby? Well, I missed a giveaway yesterday over at pioneerwoman I really love her site. Her site with a few others have taught me how to cook and bake. Plus, her stories are just so entertaining. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you should.

But, back to the miss. I missed out on signing up for the giveaway because I went out to eat last night with my Booster peoples which is only two peoples but, we had a great time. We sat and just talked for like an hour after the meal was done and paid for and then me and Stacy because she is one of my Booster people’s too sat in her driveway and talked about Johnathan for another long while. I got back in time to watch American Idol less the first 15 minutes. Then I went to bed. I never got on the computer to check blogs like I usually do before I go to bed. And of course. The kitchen Aid mixer. Not like I would win of course but, hey I can dream and I can’t even do that now. lol

But, there is always hope. Hope that my husband will hear my pleas. My pleas to please buy me a kitchen aid. That it would be in the best interest of his tummy if he got me that one thing. My birthday is coming up on the 23rd. So, there is hope.

There is always hope. Even if things don’t seem like they are going the way YOU or I think they should. There is always hope. You might need to just look a little deeper and move a few things over and kick something out of the way but, hope is always there. And if it is not for me to have one then it isn’t for me to have one. Which is ok with me because I have all that I need when I need it. Funny how that works out isn’t it?

Stacy and I were talking last night and we were talking about needs and wants and so forth. Things you think you need you really don’t because God provides what we need when we need it. Not want it. You know. It may take after the fact for any of us to figure it out but, He provides.

While I may think I NEED a kitchen aid mixer, it is just a WANT. I do have a hand held and while it won’t make those stiff peaks for egg whites that I WANT to do. It is ok, because we can do with out that.

So, here’s to hoping that next time Miss Ree
has a giveaway, that I at least get the chance to enter. 😆

And a big shout out to the Big Man, who provides for me and blesses me with all that I have each and every day! Thank You!!!!!

March of Dimes March for Babies.

I for some reason totally forgot to update about our March. Sorry about that. I don’t have any pictures yet, but, I hope they will be forth coming soon. We had a really good time. We got there got our little signs on our backs to show we were marching for JT. That he inspires us. Then we made his star and put it in the field of stars. It looked so pretty all the stars just dancing in the wind. They made announcements and kicked everything off. There was a marching band that led everyone, and they shortened the course. It is now 3.5 miles instead of the 6 miles it was. We got back, ate a little, played some games. Got in a water fight, the kids all got their pictures taken on the Harley. I bet you can guess who started that one right? Then we just spent time talking and visiting. It was a bunch of fun and I can’t wait until next year. Oh wait, I do have a couple of pictures. I will put those up in a minute. The OSU Buckeye Man was there and he took pics of all the teams for his website.

When we were leaving we grabbed JT’s star and on the way home it was Harley’s idea to put it on his headstone, so, we stopped, did that. Then the girls wanted a photo shoot with my camera phone which I forgot I had by the way or I could have snapped pics at the walk. lol.

But, we had a great time and I totally can’t wait until next year.

Here are the pics.

This is our team with the OSU Buckeye Man.

Here are his stars. Harley insisted she be in the pic. Even if it was only her feet and legs.

Here they are doing their photo op. From left to right Harley, Asha, and Stacey.

We had oodles of fun. We went to dance afterwards and by the time the day was over the girls were exhausted.

and so was I.