Praise You In This Storm…

I am having a really hard time today. I woke up from a dream about JT that wasn’t so great. I get these occasionally and it just scares me. So, I woke up grumpy and mean and then I got to thinking. What is making me be so grumpy and mean to people I love? It seems I have been taking out my hurt feelings on my family and friends and that isn’t like me. If anything I hide it all and don’t let anyone in. I won’t finish writing the last part of JT’s story because it is something that I don’t want to be over. Everything but the love I have for him is over. He should be walking and trying to talk now. I shouldn’t be able to get on this computer because he should be getting into everything. Or, I should be in Cincinnati because he got his transplant and dealing with feeding tubes and iv’s and immunosuppressent drugs. What I wouldnt do to have that worry. What I would do to not be jealous that he is in Heaven happy and healed. Yep, I said it. While I am eternally grateful that he is healed, and that he is not hurting anymore, my heart hurts for my son so much and well, it hurts bad today. This is a storm and I just have to weather it. This journey has been like a storm. At first it was unrelenting. Now, I have days that the sun comes out. But, then all of a sudden a cloud burst. But, I can see the sun through the clouds. That is a brightness that no storm can cover up. It is my earthly self that is having these days. My spirit rejoices everyday that JT is being so well taken care of. That he is living our dream. Isn’t that the dream of most who believe? The end result. To live in eternity? To dance at Jesus’ feet? Well, it is mine. Works aren’t going to get me there so, I really need to stop living like it is. My faith and belief and turning my life over to God is and I really need to start living like I did. My life is just a chaotic mess right now. Others may not think so, but, in my heart that is what I feel and I need to fix that. I need to lean heavily on the one that I have through the storm. Not just when it is stormy but, when it is sunny also. I have to give Him my praise and thanks even in the darkest times because without them, I wouldn’t grow. And I have, but, here lately it is hard to see the rain just keeps hitting me in my eyes and blinding me anymore. I’ll be alright. I guess I just need a little prayer. Ok, maybe a lot. lol. But, here is a song that sums it all up.

I WILL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM – CASTING CROWNS.

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with You”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

CHORUS
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with You”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

CHORUS

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
(repeat)

CHORUS
Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

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5 Responses

  1. This past Sunday in class, we were talking about finances and personal, material posessions and how everything we have belongs to God. One of the women said she was listening to AFR one day and heard something that shook her to her very core — our children ultimately belong to God. He loves them more than we ever could (and we all know how much we love our children).

    That’s a tough pill to swallow, though, isn’t it? Our children aren’t ours but God and it’s He who trusts us with His children — however long he determines.

    One thing I know for certain — JT wasn’t here very long, but he has touched so many lives. And maybe that was his purpose.

    You will see your boy again. We are only on this earth but for a short time, but we’ll spend an eternity in Heaven. Oh what a glorious day that will be when you see him again. I will rejoice with you.

    (((gentle hugs, dear friend)))

  2. I am very sorry you are having a bad day 😦 …I’m sure there will be many many more of these days 😦 and I will pray for you on each and everyone of these days my friend~Big Hugs, Many Prayers, and lots of Love

  3. I know what you mean. HUGS. I’m missing Jenna badly lately too. And I feel like my life is a mess too and the only one who can help me bring his order into it is Jesus. I’ll be praying for you.

  4. I can not imagine what you have, will and are going through. I can only let you know you & J.T. are in my thoughts & prayers.

  5. That song really hits home doesn’t it?
    We all have to go through storms, not the same storms at the same time but go through them we do. The difference is who we go through the storm with.

    You aren’t alone even though you can’t always see Him, He’s there and He knows the way through. So tie that knot and hang on.

    (((((Bobbie)))))

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