An update about the grief series…..

I think I am ready to start this. I will be starting tomorrow morning by posting what I have so far. I am going to start with a post about our day and how we shared it the day JT passed away. It was a bittersweet time. We were happy that he was in Heaven, but, oh so heartbroken, sad, angry, frustrated, (I could go on) that he wasn’t with us anymore.

I have never shared this before in depth in anyway because well, it is so hard, but, I feel that the time is right and I need to let you in on that part of our journey also. I shared everything else with everyone about JT’s life except for the last 24 hours. I think my update went something like He is fighting the last fight or something cliche like that because I couldn’t say the words dieing. Even then, I didn’t give up hope and I just knew God would sweep in and just handle it all the way that I saw fit and that was to save my baby and make him whole in his earthly body. But, on the other hand, I knew that his time here on earth was about over.

Stacy and I were talking about that day a couple of weekends ago and we have always talked about Johnathan and our frustrations and our memories about him. But, we didn’t really talk about that day. But, we talked about it in depth and shared what we remembered and our fears and such. For a long time I didn’t remember that day except for getting mad at Granny and yelling the word dead, and at one time granny was holding about 5 cell phones. But, other than that I had blocked it all.

As we were talking more and more came to me and I remembered. And it was honestly a good time to sit down and talk with someone that had been there. Actually been there and experienced it with me. And wanted to talk with me about him. I haven’t been able to do that with my husband because he can’t talk about Johnathan. He has a really hard time with it, so the only person that I have left is Stacy and I am so so so appreciative of that.

Well, I have talked long enough be prepared for tomorrow and the story of his homecoming.

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