And now, meet the rest of my family

I have told you all about the kids, now it is time to meet the pets. We have 3. 2 cats and 1 dog.

First let me introduce Precious. She is our Beagle and oh boy is she rambuctious. She is having a little bit of a problem here lately getting into the trash, and she is hyper. She will run in circles for an hour if you let her. Ashley has trained her to crawl along the floor using only her front legs and it is so funny looking. She can also sit, (well, unless she is doing her crazy cirlcle dance) beg, roll over, and play dead.

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Isn’t she just the cutest little thing??

Then there is Spaz and Bear Bear. When we got them from the people down the street they were very skinny. You could see their ribs pretty much. Now, they are big fat cows.

Spaz is pretty unique. He has one blue eye and one green eye. His hips were fused when God was making him and so he walks kinda funny. I was scared of him at first because well, he looked like a ferret because he is so long and he was so skinny. He has a bit of an attitude. He will nip you if you are petting him and he doesn’t want to be. But, it really doesn’t hurt. He just lets you know I just ain’t havin it at the moment.

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Bear Bear is a laid back sort of fellow. He will let Mikayla and Megan do just about anything to him and doesn’t complain. He just lays there and takes it. And believe me they have done some stuff to him that oh my goodness, I don’t believe he hasn’t taken a chunk out of them yet. He loves lounging around the house and doing absolutely nothing. Unless he wants him food. He knows exactly what time the food is put out and dude is on it. If you are too slow at getting it, well, he is right there letting you know about it. He also loves chips. Any kind of chips. He knows the sound of the chip bag and is right there at your feet yowling.

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And that is the rest of our family.

Big Families….

Sometimes I feel guilty having as many kids that I do when I know many are struggling just to have one. But, I love kids. I didn’t think I did. But, 14 years ago, when I had my first baby girl. I was totally enamored with children.

When I was 12 my uncle asked me how many children do I think that I would have? I answered him with a big emphatic NONE. I don’t like kids. He told me he wished he had a tape recorder. Yes, I said tape, lol this was way back in the day, 1987 to be exact. Now, don’t try finding out my age, I’ll lie about it. I am eternally 22 3/4. He said he would play it back to me in 15 years when I would probably have at least 3. Ha on him. I had 3 1/2. What was he thinking? He set me up. He set me up to prove him wrong. He also said that I would have many girls and they would put me through worse than what I put them through.

Ok, so, I have 5 girls altogether and I am proud to report that none of them acts like I did as a child. They are actually 2000 times better. Not that I was a bad kid they just haven’t had any of the bad experiences that I did. Which I am eternally grateful for. Yep, they are sassy, yes, they test me. Yep, there is some yelling. Yep, there have been spankings. Ok, little swats. My kids actually laugh at me when I have tried to swat them.

There is a ton of dishes and even more laundry. We have to have a big house which means more to clean. There is more garbage then a landfill practically. Stuff is never spotless or immaculate around here but, I don’t ever want it to be. I like my clutter. Ok, sometimes I could do with out it, but, you would never accuse us of not living in our home. After all that is what they are for arent they?

With lots of children comes many more hands to help hugs to give and love to go around. A lot more of chaos sweet wonderful chaos that I love so much. When the three oldest went to stay with their dad this summer, I though oh yeah, a break. But, only for a minute. Ok, maybe like three days. But, the house was too quiet. No one was fighting no one was laughing some where in the house, nothing. Mikayla is fine for hours by herself. Heck you put a movie in the girl doesn’t move. Or you can sit outside with her and she’ll play for hours. Just me and Mikayla it just wasn’t hmmm…. loud enough. I missed my girls.

I missed everything. I missed the fighting, and the beating on each other. Yes, they do that. Don’t ever let anyone tell you girls are little dainty things. They fight better than boys and more than boys. I am here to attest to that one. You get hormones into the picture and whoa buddy it is on.

This Thanksgiving when we were altogether and having such a wonderful time reminded me that I can’t live without them. I just can’t. They bring me everything that is them. They make me, well, me.

Yes, I miss JT, I didn’t think that I could live without him. I still don’t think that I can live without him. I miss him so much every day and wonder where he would fit in here. I just think I should have a two year old running around here causing choas right along with the other ones. I imagine the girls being very protective of him and just loving all over him. And then he gets into their make up or lotion and they are mad at him but, only for a moment. Because who could stay mad at that cute little boy too long?? I know I couldn’t.

Now, we are looking forward to another member of our family. I can’t wait to see where they will fit in and how much the girls will love this little one. How when he/she starts getting mobile and gets into their stuff what will happen. When he/she falls and gets a booboo how many of them will come running to soothe him/her. Or when there is sleepless nights who will help just because they don’t ever want to let them cry and want them to be happy. I am soo excited to find out just what he/she will contribute to our family because if it is anything like the others then we are extremely blessed because friends our family does nothing little.

While I feel some guilt about adding another child to our family, it is overpowered by the special gift God has chosen to give us. Every child that I have is a blessing to us. And how can I feel guilty by the special gift God has decided to give us? I think God would feel as though I have smacked him in the face if I keep feeling like this. But, I think he understands. I am sure he understands. Because He loves me scars scrapes and brokeness.

Well, this is getting long and so I guess I’ll close….

It’s a mystery….

Thanksgiving is over. The dishes are piled in the sink. Food is put away and here I go thinking I am going to have some really good breakfast. Right?? Wrong….

Somebody stole the ham. I can’t find it anywhere. I know it was put away. I remember putting it away. I put it on the second shelf. The only thing there now is, green bean casserole and cheeseball and mac and cheese. Where oh where did my poor ham go?? It really wanted me to eat it. Peanut was looking so forward to it. I could feel him flippin around in there getting ready for it. But, oh no! Pure undulated dissatisfaction. (Sometimes I just like to use big words. I really don’t know if I used or spelled that U word right.) So, I guess I will go in there and eat some of that bird. I really don’t want to but, Oh joy, I guess I must. Then when these people wake up there will be an interrogation. I must find out who at my honey baked brown sugar goodness.

I hope everyone had a fantabulous Thanksgiving ours was really pretty awesome. We all cooked and had lots of fun and with minimal attitudes. We three girls who are mostly all teenagers and a pregnant mom, those moments are few and far between. But, we all worked it in that kitchen and had everything done at the same time. A major feat I might add. Everyone had several plates and no one complained about not liking anything. We sat around and talked about what we were thankful for and there were so many things. Even out of the two that don’t like to talk about things.

Some of the list….

Dora and Diego
The cats and dog
New friends
Having their dad back
Being together
HAM???? I gotta remember who said that they may have eaten my ham….
Food
Love
Having 2 homes
Being able to work
Having a big family
Mommy and Peanut
The computer lol
Mike
cough drops
Emma and Jake (mikayla)
Megan (mikayla)
This is from Stacey and I thought that she really put some thought into it.
I am thankful for being able to live in a place where you are free to be yourself and able to vote a president in where there is not a war going on outside of your door and where you are safe.

Those were some of the ones that I thought were either funny (most of them lol) downright weird or stuck a heart string for me. There were many more including God, shelter, peace, clothing, and the such.

Hope everyone was stuffed to the gourd and took a nice great big nap yesterday. I know I was and did.

****Edited to add: The dishes are done and the ham was found. The brats known as my children hid it from me. **********

Thanksgiving Thankfulness…

Thanksgiving, a day of thanks. I have so much to be thankful for that I don’t know where to begin.

I am thankful for:

My God, who loves me unconditionally, who understands me and my heart and who died for me so that some day I will be able to see my loved ones again and live in eternity with Him.

My children, they have enriched my life immensely and taught me so many things. I love the chaos that happens when they are all together and am thankful for all the noise and the love they give me.

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Johnathan, he taught me that life is short, no matter what pack every day with as much love as you can. Give it freely, and don’t expect anything back. That to give up is not an option. Without JT in my life, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I love you and miss you Bubbas.

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Little peanut, new life growing waiting to make an appearance in June of 2009. I am so thankful that you are on your way. You give me hope. I am thankful that I am able to have another baby. Last year you wouldn’t have been possible. This year you snuck into our lives and I am so thankful for you. Can’t wait to meet you.

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My Bestest friend and her family. I am thankful for real friendship. I didn’t know what it was until she came along. God knew I needed her and gave her to me at just the right time. I am thankful that she is there for me whenever I need her and I am when ever she needs me. I am thankful for the 4 hour goofy conversations that leave us laughing so hard that my stomach hurts for days. I am thankful for someone that I can always talk about JT to and they listen and talk with me.

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Most of all I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for everything I have been through. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly, because out of all that came me. The person that I am today sitting here able to be thankful. Surrounded by family and friends that love each other. A roof over my head, clothes on my back and food to eat. A God that loves me, a saviour that wants me to have everlasting life, that paid the ultimate price for my sins and yours.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone….

Had a bit of trouble.

Now, everything is fine, but, Thursday night little peanut decided to give us a scare. I had some bleeding and went to the hospital. We were treated very badly I might say. The nurse the doctor’s there. It was like they didn’t care. They never checked the baby to see if he/she was ok. They weren’t very nice, they were snotty a lot of the time. All in all it was a bad experience. So, I left not knowing anything. Not knowing if I was even still pregnant. I went to the doc’s yesterday morning and found out, that peanut is just fine. He for some reason, I keep saying that because Stacy does, is just wonderful. Dr. O told me that there is almost a 0% chance that I will miscarry. It was such a relief to watch him jump on that screen. He was jumpin all over. I didn’t think that they could do that yet, but, I guess they can. I went in there expecting to not be pregnant anymore, and came out so happy, I almost peed myself. lol I know bad analogy but, hey it’s true. So, I am resting and taking it easy. And Mr. Peanut is doing just great.

ok, different subject but, kinda the same subject. And please know I usually don’t air my children’s dirty laundry, just the funny embarrassing stuff. he he.

But, this is serious. Harley’s grief is getting to her I do believe. She wants to believe this baby is Johnathan. She is 12 so that I can talk to her on a better level than I would my 4 year old, but, for some reason it is scaring me. I can’t get her to understand right now that JT is in Heaven and there is no way that he can come down here again and be born again. I really don’t want her to be dissappointed but, I don’t want her to have her hopes up that this baby will take JT’s place. Because NO ONE will ever take that place. I had fears of my extended family thinking that I was having a baby to take JT’s place, I never really thought of any of the kids thinking that. But, as I look at back and think, I should have been more prepared for this. I really don’t know what to say to her other than what I already have. Does any one haave any suggestions?? Has anyone been through this before? If you don’t want to comment but, would like to e-mail me you can at siscaboo1512 at sbcglobal dot net.

I would appreciate any feed back that I can get.

Thanks so much

Have a wonderful day!!

No more excuses….

I read a blog this morning that reminded me of the holidays spent in the NICU. It was like she was in my head and knew what I was thinking. She has been there too. She has a beautiful son who I loved to keep up with and see what he is going to be doing next and an great family.

In reading her post, it brought back all the emotions that I felt, being stuck in the NICU and it seeming as though no one cared. Like they got to go on with their lives and oh well about us. They didn’t have to worry about procedures or 4 hour evals or even just are we gonna make it one more day. They could sit at home eating their turkey or ham and enjoy thier holiday and not give one thought to what we were going through. It was really lonely up there but, at the same time, we felt loved and well taken care of. The nurses in the NICU made sure that everything was decorated and recorded. They took lots of pictures for the parents. JT was still in his incubator and vented at Thanksgiving so, I sat by his incubator and talked and read to him and held his hand when I could. Mike’s family got mad at me because I wanted to be there with him. I didn’t want his first Thanksgiving to come and go and him spend it alone. What kind of injustice would that be? JT was in the NICU but, he was still MY child. Sick, tubes and all. I wouldn’t never forget him and let him be alone on a holiday or any day for that matter. But, they just didn’t get it. I didn’t want them to forget Thanksgiving. That is far from what I wanted. I just wanted them to care. Stop by and say hi. Call up there while I was there and just say hi and happy Thanksgiving over the phone. Give him something. Show him that you care. He knows when you are there. He isn’t just a sick baby that doesn’t know anything. But, that never happened. What happened was Mike took half the kids with him to the dinner and I took the other half with me to the hospital, and while I felt so alone and like no one cared, JT had a good Thanksgiving and we were there for him because that is what mattered. Not that I was alone, but that He wasn’t.

Which brings me to the post that Alex’s mommy wrote today. It says all that I want to say but, in a better way than I could.

Just be there for someone this holiday season. If they have a sick child, special needs child, or if they have lost their child this year and this is going to be their first without them. Just be there for them. It only takes a few minutes to call them and let them know that you are there for them. Because when you are feeling alone and desolate, a hi just calling to let you know I am here, is like gold to us.

Thank you!

All about Stacey….

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Stacey is my 11 year old. Oh my goodness, is she that old?? Not to be confused with my bestest friend Stacy. You see my Stacey has E’s in her name, my BFF has no E’s in her name. I went E happy and made my Stacey’s name pretty and have some flash and pizzaz, Big Stacy’s mom, well, she didn’t so her name is plain jane. lol

My little Stacey, she still tries to be my baby. She was the baby for 7 years and I treated her that way because I thought she was my last baby. I didn’t think that I would have anymore. She always slept with me. She got her way. She was a big old spoiled child. And I am so totally not afraid to admit that.

She loves to whine, and cry, and try to get her way. Which sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t. There was a year that when she talked, you just cringed because it was perpetually whinning that WHOLE year. The reason I am saying all of that is because she is trying to read over my shoulder. I just wanted to give her something good to read. lol.

Don’t you just hate it when someone is trying to read over your shoulder? I do, and I get kinda ugly. I told her she could read it when I am done, but, she just isn’t having it.

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Stacey is my cuddly child. She loves to just sit with me and she has to be touching me. She still gives me hugs and kisses, which is unbelievable. She wants to be a big girl but, she wants to stay a little let mommy take care of it girl.

She is a really big Diva. Hair, make up, and fashion are her thing. She will look at someone’s clothes and in a minute, it is either a fashion disaster, or something cool. And she isn’t afraid to tell you about it. I really need to teach that child some couth. She really doesn’t have any.

She is pretty blunt too. She hasn’t lost the honesty in her I guess you would say, she doesn’t know how to censor herself so that she doesn’t hurt feelings, or just keep something to herself.

She reminds me of Pearl from the tv show 227. You know the older lady that hangs out the window that knows everything and is in everyone’s business? Yeah, I live with Pearl. She knows all the business of everyone in the neighborhood. Half of these people I don’t know but, you can bet she does.

She is all girl and PINK is her thing. If she could live in a pink world, well, she would paint the world pink and be just so happy. She has to wear something pink just about everyday. Even if you can’t see it you can bet she has something on that is pink. She wants to paint her room and her cat pink. The room maybe the cat absolutely not. She has dyed her hair pink. Well, I did it. Yes, I let her dye it pink. It actually looked really cute. It has faded, and she is trying to talk me into letting her do it again, but, I don’t know over the summer is one thing. Ya know?

She is really a joy to be around when she isn’t whinning so much which she is doing right now. But, I love her even in those times. Her hormones are all out of whack so she can start to cry at the drop of a hat. Which sometimes, I am so not gonna lie, I egg on. Because when you ask her to do something simple like pick something up off the floor and she goes into full crying why are you making me do this, you always make me do it no one does anything around here but, me mode, it is just hilarious to me.

Stacey loves to be the life of the party and center of attention. I know I am going to have to reign that girl in because yes, sometimes she can be totally out of control. And for the most part I do, but, she is going to have to learn that there are consequences for her actions. I really need to not let her get away with stuff but, she is my baby as are all my other kids. I know not an excuse.

Ok, really, I don’t want everyone to think she is a big old brat, so, I will let you know that she is a really caring girl. She loves people and she wants to see everyone happy. She has a wonderful sense of humor and loves it when people are laughing. I love her to pieces and don’t know what I would do with out her. If I am feeling down she helps me get back up.

She grew up a lot after JT died. I mean instantly. Most of the whinning was gone and she started acting more grown up. She was actually the one of my children that mourned in a healthy way. She cried when she needed to and didn’t hide it. She talked about her feelings and got them out. She let everyone know about her brother. Not in a shock value way the way that Harley did, but, in a loving way. She never shies away from talking about him. And if you ask her how many siblings she has she always includes JT.

My baby girl is growing up. Slowly, but, she is getting there. And if you don’t mind. I would like her to stay this way and be my little girl for a little while longer. Because nothing makes me more happy than when she crawls into bed with me and curls up next to me and tells me she loves me. And I don’t want to lose that yet.