Peanut…Just thinking about somethings…

Peanut is due June 18th. Stacy and I have been talking and voicing our fears and excitement about Peanuts birth. I really have a hard time thinking that far ahead. I have many fears. I can’t wait until the ultrasound on the 2nd of January to have some of the fears relieved but, that still probably won’t stop me from worrying about certain things.

Our first and foremost fear is that we will have to go back to the NICU. We don’t want to but, if it must happen, there is no better place for Peanut than there if he is early. Neither one of us has set foot back up there again. So, if that is too happen I know for myself, that it will be hard to go up there. That was my JT’s bedroom. That was his home his whole life. And well, if you have lost a child you know their bedroom is the hardest place to enter. It has been 18 months and I have yet to take that step and not sure if I really want to. But, I also know that if I must, God will give me the courage and confidence and the push that I need to go up there. Then I can slap some of that into Stacy and she will go with me.

Then there is the fear that Peanut will be born on JT’s homecoming day. I don’t think that I could handle that one. I know that many people would make a wonderful connection with the death of a child and the birth of another on the same day, but, I just can’t share that day. Which 4 weeks early, it could happen. But, I know if it does happen, I will deal with it. I just don’t want to. I really sound selfish right now.

I don’t know what the future will hold. No one does. And I know I shouldn’t worry about it, I should just let it unfold the way that it is going to but, I can’t.

What I do know, Peanut is going to be oh so loved by oh so many people. He/She is going to have a lot of sisters who are going to mother hen him. No matter what day he is born, will be an awesome joy of beauty and love that our memories will be etch with it for the rest of our lives. And we will thank God profusely for him/her. And enjoy every moment of it just that much more.

On to our excitement. We can’t wait to make sure everything is ok to start shopping!!! And planning stuff. Like just wonderful stuff. Making decisions on what bottles to use, getting those cute little onsies, the little outfits, the diapers. All of it. And if I am going to have a baby shower. I have never had one. So, this is my last chance. lol.

I either sold or gave away all of my baby stuff like the crib, the basinett, baby monitor, all of that stuff. I sold JT’s brand new bed to a girl that really needed it for 15.00. I tried to give it to her but, she wanted to pay something. It was so pretty. It was all white. I had never had one like that before. We gave his bouncer to the NICU, so that other babies could enjoy it like he did.

We have so many fears. But, our fears are overshadowed by Peanut. By actually meeting him and finding out just who he or she is. And what a special gift God has given us all. Because both of our families are anticipating the arrival in six months. Oh yeah, and today is offically 12 weeks. yippee yay!!!!!! January 2nd is the next time we get to look at little peanut. And I can hardly wait.


6 Responses

  1. I will make sure you have a baby shower, I am so excited to plan it. I might have to have some help since I naver had one either lol. but we will have lots of fun, that I do know. I can’t wait to start buying things. I have a feeling this baby wil be sooooo spoiled, it will love it’s Aunt Stacy. 🙂

  2. I am sure it is normal to have these concerns, I know I would. I like your attitude, that you will handle whatever happens. Will you find out on the next ultrasound if peanut is a he/she? How have you been feeling? I’ll be sure to pray for you and your family.

  3. Hugs.!

    I know that you have moved, and I’d love to send you a Christmas card…would you email it to me?

  4. (((((((Hugs))))))))))

    I can’t believe it’s been 12 weeks already! Congratulations!

  5. Congratulations! It is natural to feel those concerns and fears. We are all praying for you and “Peanut”
    Praise Jesus! For children are a blessing from God.

  6. Wow!!! I’m sorry my head has been drowning in textbooks. Congratulations!!!!

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