The house is quiet….

Hubby took the kids to the dentist. All 4 of them. And my house is quiet. Ahhh…. It is so nice to have alone time. Especially with all of the chaos that we have been having around here lately.

Timmy is snoozing upstairs and I don’t have to worry about him interrupting my quiet time. The boy won’t be up until about 12.

I have been sitting here thinking about all the things that have happened in 2008. The New Year is about to blow in and a whole bunch of new memories are about to begin.

I can’t wait to see what this year hold. We will be meeting our new little one Mid way through the year. Around that same time we will be celebrating JT’s 2nd year in Heaven, and a few months later, his 3rd Birthday. I don’t know yet, how to balance the feelings that I know I will have. That I am actually having now. I really should stop worrying about the future. Because what is going to be is going to be. God’s got this and I just need to trust that.

But, on the other hand, I can’t help still feeling sometimes that he let me down. I know he did what was right for JT’s sake. He took him home so that he didn’t have to suffer anymore. But, I really wanted that healing. The way that I wanted the healing. Not the way that God chose to heal him. I wanted him to just grow small bowel and his liver to just become healthy again. Wouldn’t that be a story to share??

Or for his heart to be able to be fixed so that he could get his transplant. But, that isn’t what happened and I am living with the fact that JT is gone. I really don’t like that fact.

As we are preparing for this new little one in about 5 months, I feel guilty sometimes for being so happy about it. I am also afraid that the same thing will happen with this one. Very afraid. I really want to hold this baby and take this one home straight from the hospital. I don’t want the NICU. Because with the NICU comes more emotions I just don’t want to deal with.

Friday we have an u/s to check the placenta to make sure that it implanted itself in the right spot. We just might be able to find out what he is too. Sometimes I think girl sometimes I think boy. I guess it is a 50/50 chance huh? lol.

If you could all say a little prayer that everything checks out ok. That would be awesome. I would really appreciate your prayers.

Thanks so much!

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One Response

  1. Prayers for you and your little one……

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