Feeling guilty…

Yep, you read it. Feeling guilty. I feel guilty that I am so excited about Tori-Beth, and in a couple of weeks it will be JT’s 2 year Angelversary. Angelversary, I know he isn’t an angel. He is himself. So, don’t bash me on that.

I am really excited to meet her and for the baby shower and for everything to do with having a new baby and new life and new little person to get to know and nurture and love and all the frustration that goes with it but, in the back of my mind is always that nagging guilt. What about JT?

So, I have decided that he’s gonna be there too, when she is born. I am going to smuggle a picture of him in the operating room with me. And I am going to dig out a blanket of his and take it with me too so that she can use it. That might sound terrible to some but, I want my whole family together when she is born and I think that is a way to include him also. Sort of like a passing down to the others of something that the older ones have used. I have been thinking about this alot and it will make me feel a lot better to do this and know that he isn’t forgotten just because we are adding a new member to the family.

I still have nightmares of something going wrong with this pregnancy. Even though I am almost at the end but, that doesn’t even promise anything. I just need to keep praying, trust, and have faith. But, it is so hard to do when you know what can go wrong. Sometimes I wish I was still ignorant to the fact that bad things can happen to babies. and children. But, I am not so, I just need to kick myself and deal with it. Which I have. And I am.

So, Mister Bubbas, with the chunky monkey cheeks and the sweet fat rolls, eat some chocolate pudding for mommy, because you know she can’t. lol.

This is the day, that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

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Need accountability…

I need accountability for this housework. I just keep getting farther and farther behind. Laundry builds up. Dishes build up. And I don’t get it done. I just look at it and sigh and walk away. Then I get upset when I can’t find anything that is clean or there are no dishes clean to eat out of.

And Mikayla has been getting to much tv time. I mean way to much. Yes, it is PBS, and I can chalk it up to she knows her ABC’s and 123’s and colors and shapes and that but, too much of anything is still too much. I need to limit that too. I have just been sitting around playing on the computer. I think I am thinking that when the baby gets here I won’t be able to do that so, I am getting it all in now, but, that isn’t an excuse because I have to give Mikayla, and Ashley, Harley, and Stacey extra time now too. Not just my computer.

And you would think that as much as I sit at this thing every day that I could at least keep my blog up right? Ha ha nope.

Not even close. Plus, while I read blogs I don’t comment. So, what is the point? I really need to start commenting again.

And I am sure you all don’t want to hear all about my swollen feet ankles and hands. So, that is nothing to blog about either.

Some good news my baby shower is Saturday. I can barely contain myself. I am soo excited. I have never had one, so this is a big deal for me. And thanks Stacy for throwing it for me. We thought that maybe no one would show up but, it is looking like we are going to have a bunch of people there. I still say that I am going to win baby shower bingo. Yep, so, watch out Granny and Laura, that prize is MINE!!!! lol. I don’t even need a prize I just want to win. lol.

Stacy and Granny and when I say Granny, I mean Stacy’s. Not to be confused with Mike’s mom, went shopping last night and she told me we got plates, this n that, and then said oh yeah, we got stuff for Tori but you aren’t allowed to know. Ugh!!!! They are only for Tori not you! lol. Well, I have confered with Tori and she thinks that since I have to open them that I should know before hand what they are. You know so that I don’t go into labor or something over the shock. She told me this last night. We had a really long talk about it. Because she would like to stay in there until June 11th. She thinks that is best. So, spill it. What did you all get her?????

Oh man, the suspense is killing me.

Really I sound like a spoiled brat up there. I just want everyone to come and have fun. Play some games eat some food and leave with a smile on their face just because we are all together having fun. The presents aren’t the important thing.

I AM JUST SOOO EXCITED!!!!

Stacy make sure you bring your camera so that I have something to blog about and pics to go with it! lol.

Well, until next time, tootles!

Remember Jesus is the reason and God loves you! Each and every one of you!

When you make an easy decision and the kids won’t cooperate…

I had to ground Ashley, her grades are well, horrendous. She blames it on everything but herself. Her teachers are too mean, they don’t give her enough time to finish projects, the other kids are loud. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Her teachers sent home printouts of all her grades for the quarter, and well, I can see where she has gone wrong. Her homework, as in she hasn’t been doing it. All of her in class work and tests are 95 or better. Which most of them are 100’s. Even her semester exams are high A’s. But, it is that homework that she doesn’t do, that she says she does do that is dropping her grade to a big old fat F.

I grounded her until interims come home. I think that is fair, I could have grounded her for the rest of the quarter which is 7 weeks away. But, I opted to see how she does in the middle of the quarter. And I told her I had better see her working on homework every day whether she has it or not.

Well, she brings me her social studies grades yesterday after school and out of 6 assignments, 4 are missing. And she hasn’t missed any school, so, that isn’t it. She is just too lazy to do the homework, I told her she needs to go to school Monday and find out what those assignments are and get them made up. Even if it takes all of her grade away that is better than a missing assignment. Then I get to hear the we aren’t allowed to do that. Bull hickey do, yes you are. She tried arguing with me, but, it didn’t work, she resolved to tears instead.

She wants to get a job, her birthday is Oh my goodness next Sunday! She will be 15 and she already called and found out where she can work at as a 15 year old. Has gone and gotten the applications and filled them out and are waiting until that magic day next week when she can turn them in.

I asked her, how are you going to keep up your school work, and work at the same time? It isn’t easy I did it. I remember. She tried to shoot me some hooey, which honestly I didn’t listen to. I honestly don’t think she is ready. I don’t think she is mature enough for the responsibility. But, I could be wrong. I don’t know the homework issue is really making me rething letting her get a job. Plus, this attitude she has lately isn’t helping either.

UGH!!!!! Teenagers. I hope I survive this!!!!!

Have a great day everyone and thanks for letting me vent!

Ode to Kristin….

My favorite player from Biggest Loser left last night. I really am going to miss her sparkling personality, powerful insights, her compassion, and most of all her sharp wit.

I know she will do good at home and hopes she comes back to win the 100,000.00. Don’t let this get you down girlfriend, because like you say, imagine all the people that you have inspired to do this at home. I know that there are many out there.

Just remember to eat protein and up those calories when working out at an athlete pace and you will do it in no time!

And most importantly, believe in yourself and keep smiling!

Love ya!!!

I fell and bumped my head….

UGH, I was walking down the stairs yesterday and fell down a couple bashed my head on the window sill and somehow my ankle decided to get involved to.

I seriously thought that I was gonna die. I felt the back of my head swelling up and thought here it goes. I am a gonner. Then I was thinking oh no! What if I have to have surgery?? Then they will have to shave my head. I’ll be bald. But, I’ll be alive. I guess I can trade one for the other. After a CAT scan and X-rays, I don’t need surgery, and my head is just fine. Ha ha to all of you people that think there was something wrong with my head. lol. The doc checked it out and it is just fine! he he.

So, I have a gi-freakin-normous goose egg and a sprained ankle. So, I am literally hurting from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

And Miss Tori-Beth was a trooper through out it all. She is doing great. She didn’t move there for a minute but, I think that is because she was in shock. Now, she won’t stop moving which I think is wonderful.

Now, if the bathroom wasn’t up all of those steps……

Here she is u/s pics….

The first pic is her face, the second is her feet and she has them crossed, the third is the top of her head. She is already looking so cute. The funny thing is I was looking at JT’s ultrasound pics and I have one of his face that looks just like that, it was the one I got 2 days before he was born.

tori-04-10-09

Gestational Diabetes class…

Well, I went to it. I learned a lot. I found out that I can eat more than what I thought that I could. How cool is that?? I didn’t like the finger poke thing, but, I did it. It took me 20 minutes and my daughter showing me up and doing with no problem. But, I did it.

Now, I am cheating because Harley did it for me this morning. I am such a wimp, but, well, it got done.

I really liked the class, I understand more now and need to stop listening to other people about things because they were leading me the wrong way. GB is different from Type 2 and that is why my diet is different.

Granny tried telling me that I couldn’t eat tomatoes. I was crying and in tears because how can you have a salad without tomatoes??? But, tomatoes are a free food. Oh yeah!!! As a matter of fact my salad and my green beans are a free food. That made me feel like singing. But, I didn’t to protect the innocent.

Harley is acting like my mom, she is all on it about what time I have to test and she won’t let me out of it. I acted like I was busy she said you have two hands hand me over one. I tried grounding her for being disrespectful, but, she told me that it is for my own good and the good of her sister, so that is that. I handed over my finger. I won’t tell which one though. J/K. My humor is bad this morning. Sorry.

At least now, I have found something that we can do together. lol. Even if it isn’t something enjoyable to me. I think she likes it. A little too much.

Speaking of, Miss Harley only has this week left where she goes for the day, and then it is back to regular school. She is excited and so am I. She can’t wait to get back to a regular schedule.

Ompf… Well, I guess Miss Tori-Beth is telling me that I need to get off of here and eat, so, I guess I will, she kicks really hard when she is hungry. So, off I go to eat.

Have a great day!!

p.s. Stacy… scan the pics. lol.