Today is the day…

I have been contemplating writing my feelings about how I feel about this day because, I don’t want to seem sad and ungrateful for the new life that will be coming into this world today. But, I like to be honest about how I am feeling. That is why I started this blog. To be true to my feelings on grief and losing my son, and how I am living through it. And I think this part of my journey is another side of living through the grief. Because it is still there. It may be masked for the moment, but, there is not a time when JT is not with me in the back of my mind. And I think he is happy for us. I really do. I think he is sitting right here sometimes watching over us and thinking we are still as crazy as he once thought and I know he is going to celebrate with us the moment that Tori-Beth gets here.

There are three people that I don’t thank enough that I want to take the time to.

First and foremost is God. (ok, this is starting to sound like a music award acceptance speech). Without Him moving in my life and moving me, I would probably be curled up in a ball still not living my life. Just knowing that He has a hand in everything I do is nothing short of awesome. The awesome gifts that he has given me, 6 children who are nothing short of a blessing no matter how crazy they get is just beyond me. That he would trust me with them all, no matter how long they are with me is miraculous.
For holding me up when I couldn’t hold myself up or no one knew how to help me, He did. He was there. He never left me. There were times when I left him for a moment, but, he was always there waiting patiently for me to call out to Him again and ready to take my hand and gently guide me along.

Thank you God!

To my husband: Who puts up with the pregnant crazy, sometimes lost her mind self. Who provides for us and is more active with our children than I give him credit for. Who wants the best for me and doesn’t care how mad I get when I want more carbs than I am suppose to have and just tells me to deal with it. lol. This pregnancy journey hasn’t been easy on either of us because of the fears that we have both have. But, I think together we have weathered really well.

To my best friend Stacy: Thank you for being right there beside me and letting me talk your head off about how paranoid I am and how scared I am and for just listening. Thanks for letting me share JT anytime I need to. You don’t know how much that means to me. Thank you for going to all the doctor’s appointments with me. We make it fun and the time has just flown by. We are both crazy, and can finish each other’s sentences and know what the other is thinking it is crazy how in tune we are with each other. Only God can give a person a friend as special as you.

So, let’s go have this baby people’s!!!!!!

Only a few more hours Tori-Beth!!! Then we get to see just exactly who you are!!! And I so totally can’t wait!!!


One Response

  1. What a sweet post.

    Can’t wait to see your precious little one. 🙂

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