Just a bunch of thoughts with a little wrestling thrown in…

These past few months have been nothing short of wonderful. I am so glad that I had little miss Tori. She is nothing but, a joy. She is smiling and cooing now and still loves to cuddle. She is sleeping most of the night. I just can’t believe how perfect she is. I still in the back of my mind try to find things wrong, but, there is nothing wrong with her. She spits up and I think that there is something wrong with her gastrointestinal tract or she has NEC, but, I have not been a wild woman calling the doctor and freaking out about it. I just mentally smack myself and tell myself to stop obsessing.

It is weird having a normal healthy baby after having one in NICU especially for how long we were in there. Not saying that even couple day stay is not hard, because it is. But, 8 1/2 months is really hard. I still find myself thinking that I have to weigh a diaper or I can’t wait until this evening when it is time to weigh her to see how many grams, yeah you heard it grams she has gained or lost.

There are no wires, no nothing… Just her. That is it. I get to take care of her. No nurses, no NICU. I get to sleep next to her every night and feel her breath (or her spit up, lol), on my cheek. She goes to sleep every night holding my finger and that is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

But, it makes me miss my Bubba so much more. I look at her trying to find a glimpse of JT in her. I don’t know why I do it. Probably because I just miss him so much. Then I do the what if game. But, I only let myself do this for 5 minutes a day. I have to deal with it or I will get depressed and I don’t want to do that. Not when I have a bunch of sweetness to love on. Oh yeah, a house to clean and wrestling to watch. lol.

By the way did any one see SmackDown Friday? It was really really good. Well, the beginning and the last 40 minutes. Sorry, Stacy, I can hear her groaning from here.

I totally love wrestling. I don’t know why, I guess it helps me decompress at the end of the week. Who knows?

Ok, back to the issue at hand… Go Hardy!!!…. oops did it again.

I sometimes think about what it would be like to have my almost 3 year old little man running around here. But, that probably wouldn’t be because we would probably be in Cincinnati post op from his transplant. Or who knows maybe we would be a year or more out from it? But, then again maybe we wouldn’t be. See these are the kinds of things that go through my mind for my 5 minutes.

But, God knows what he was and is doing, so, who am I to complain, or argue, or get upset about it. I will just be content with the two times a year that I set aside for him to celebrate his life. The day he was born, (he shares his birthday with Michael Jackson, how crazy is that?), and the day he was promoted to heaven. Because those are the only days that I have. But, I think about him daily. And his sister will grow up knowing that she had a brother. I won’t let his memory leave us. Because I am his memory keeper. And I am gonna keep it right here with us where it belongs.

Whew! Sorry about the deep stuff. But, I had to get it out.

Have an awesome spectacular, evening. And an awesome day tomorrow!

Who knows I might post my cleaning schedule tomorrow, you know you want to see it Stacy!!!


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