All about Ashley

Ashley is my oldest. I remember bringing her home from the hospital and not knowing what the heck to do. I was afraid of everything. I would sit and watch her and just be amazed at what a beautiful little creature she was. I would sit and wonder what she would be like as she grew up.

I was afraid I didn’t want her to grow up like I did. I didn’t know my dad and was stuck with a step father that abused my mom. And from the age of 9 on I was in foster homes. My mom did the best that she could and I love her for it but, I wanted to be better. I wanted her to have a better life. To know that no matter what she always has me. I may make mistakes, but, I wanted to learn from them. I never wanted her to feel unloved a day in her life.

Ashley has both of her parents, and while we have made some really big mistakes, she still has both of us even though we aren’t together anymore and haven’t been since she was 7. Her dad did take a “break” from her life when she was 9 and just now decided to be a dad again. For that I am eternally grateful. Although it is hard to let him make decisions and things when I have been the one doing it.

Ashley has grown into one heck of a young lady. Making mistakes and not understanding that the consequences sometimes are horrendous. But, unlike me, they are normal teenage mistakes. She hasn’t gotten into drugs, or sex, or anything like that. Although she did try cigarettes but, that is my fault because well, I smoked.

She is an awesome dancer. She can do it all Ballet, Jazz, hip hop. And she only has to be shown a couple of times. Ballet is her heart. She won a scholarship for 3 years in a row to Madame Wu’s dance studio. She absolutely loved it. By the end of her second year she was choreographing dances and helping to teach the class. She was only in 5th grade! She absolutely blew my mind.

This year, she wants to try out for Exodus, which is a Hip hop group. They work you hard, but, she feels she is up for the challenge. I can’t wait to see her make it. Because I lovve to watch them dance. The instructor really makes them work and brings the best out in them.

She is a teenager now, a big old 14 and is trying to get into boys and thinking she is dating. Ha ha this is one of the times I am glad daddy is around to put a stop to that one. She gets mad at me alot and has attitudes but, then she decides she wants to be loving and tells me how much she loves me.

She confides in me which is something I am thankful for. I always make it a point to let my children know that they can talk to me about ANY thing. Yes, it may be uncomfortable for me, but, I am their momma and it is my job to hear the touchy stuff and to help them through it or make them figure out a solution and give them a good job when they figure out the right one.

I do so miss my baby that used to cuddle with me on the couch rubbing my ear as she fell asleep. And the little girl that used to run to me when I got home from work. Just to let me know that she missed me and that she didn’t want me to ever leave again. But, now she is taller than me and becoming a woman, so, those days with her are gone but, I still see a little bit of that little girl in her when she has something troubling her or when she is really excited about something telling me about it.

So, that is my big girl. Ready to face the world, but, not exactly sure she wants to.

Tune in later for results of the ultrasound.

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Happy Birthday Ashley!!!

Today is Ashley’s birthday she is the big ole 14. Oh my goodness, I can’t believe it that makes me old old old. I feel like it anyway.

Ashley being my first child it was a scary endeavor. I went into labor with her at about midnight. I had to call her dad to come home from work because well, he had the car. lol. We went and picked up our friend and off to the hospital we went. I was feeling uncomfortable but, not really in pain. We got to the hospital and I was already 5 centimeters. I was really scared, I said oh no this is supposed to last for hours and you are supposed to send me home a couple hundred times right? She was due May 5th and I figured I still had a couple of days of this. The nurse looked at me and said honey, you only got a few hours left. By the time they got me to the room which only took an hour I was already 8. Thing slowed down for a minute, they asked me if I wanted an epidural I said no, so they gave me a little something to relax me between contractions and relax me it did. I was snoring would wake up have a contraction and go right back to snoring. Ashley’s dad thought that it was the funniest thing. They could tell when I was having a contraction by the snoring stopping. well, about 4:30 they came in said it was time to push, and push I did. She was born at 5:23 am weighing in a big whopping 8lbs 12oz and 21 1/2 inches long. She was so big, I looked at her and was just like whooaa and then passed out. Don’t tell anyone I told you that though. It was that whole blood thing again. After they got me awake they ended up knocking me out again and when I woke up, there was no one there and I was totally confused. There was a minor complication that I really won’t go into detail about because well, anyway I won’t but, after a few minutes of shaking off the fog, I realized I had had a baby called the nurse, she came down and helped me get up and showered then she bought her down and oh boy was I in love.

She was so beautiful and it was awesome. Gary, her dad, came in and wanted to hold her and I just told him no. He had been in the cafeteria getting something to eat. We just spent the whole day looking at her and talking to her and learning how to feed her and change diapers and everything. We didn’t have hardly any family so, only a few people came to visit and the whole day was nothing but, us and her. It was wonderful, I still remember it.

She has grown into a great kid who has her mood swings, but, also has times where she can be the sweetest kid in the world. She is becoming a young lady. She got her hair cut last week and I was just looking at her yesterday thinking you know what as much as I want to keep her my baby, that really isn’t going to happen.

So, Happy Birthday my young lady I love you oodles!!!!!!!!!!